Redefinition

In my last post, I wrote that "everyday I am constantly reinventing and reimagining who I am." I want to use this post in order to further explore this idea. When I wrote the words featured above, I was referring to the manner in which I incorporate my daily experiences into my personal narrative. Each one of my interactions or experiences is a teachable moment that shapes my perspective - how I see the world. I use these moments for growth and personal improvement - I reinvent and reimagine the "Reginald Andrew Galloway" project everyday. However, there are moments in which I realize that I need to change immediately in order to adjust to a new, sudden, and unforeseen reality. Naturally, this is a different process than the aforementioned work.

The question is what is the nature of this process? Is it simple matter of Descartes,"I think, therefore I am?" Or is it a more complicated process in which I need to recalibrate every aspect of my identity? I use the word recalibrate here because I want to nominate a process that does not entail a complete overhaul, but rather encompasses intricate adjustments. My guess is that such a transformation is a combination of both. Mentally, I need to reprogram my mind to believe whatever I need it to believe. Also, "if it ain't broke, don't broke fix it, meaning that it is only necessary to change elements that need to be changed.

Here's another question: why am I writing this now? Because it's the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded. I have many exciting initiatives (both academic and personal) on the horizon, but the current moment is a challenging one. I need to adjust my lifestyle so that I can succeed and perform to the best of my ability. So far this semester, I am living the life I should have been experiencing for the since I entered Princeton. I'm blessed to be able to express myself in class, represent the University, and spend time with some incredible friends - but now it's time to "go further, go farther, go harder" - (Jay-Z, Mr. Carter). Once again, it's time to redefine myself and the man I'll be? Not sure yet...

Double Consciousness and “My Other”

A few nights ago, I had a very particular dream. In this dream, I was homeless (I'm not sure why, but this was the case) and staying at a shelter for the night. I was rooming with another man - he was black, in his thirties, heavily bearded, and seemed to come from a lower socioeconomic status. My roommate and I did not interact too much; I did not know what we would talk about and he did not seem to be very articulate. Our room was small with one dresser, a single closet, and a bunk bed. Before I went to sleep, I went into the closet to grab one of my possessions and I found my roommate in the closet gorging on my things - I became enraged and started to beat him! My aggression was both simultaneously exhilarating and monstrous. As the beating progressed, I became more and more fearful that I would murder this man, but before that happened I woke up.

Naturally, I was disturbed by my dream. Why did I have this dream and what did it mean? Over the course of this week, I performed some psychoanalytical work on my dream and came to a startling conclusion: I was the homeless man! Recently, I have been attempting to reinvent myself and fundamentally change who I am. The man who I almost killed represented the part of me that I wanted to kill off - homeless, unmotivated, non-presentable, and not a risk-taker. The one aspect of this man's identity that truly frightened me was his blackness; why was he black and what does that say about me? In my environment (Princeton University) it is evident that blackness is an indicator of "otherness," but the question is how do I reconcile my blackness with my desire to be in the mainstream of campus culture? This is probably an unreasonable or invalid question, but is a prime example of the phenomenon that American sociologist W.E.B. DuBois coins as "double consciousness."

In his 1903 classic, The Souls of Black Folk, DuBois describes double consciousness as...

“this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity”

of a two-ness, of being "an American, a Negro; [...] two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder"

I experience this double consciousness everyday and use it to my advantage. I view my time at Princeton University as a learning opportunity to acquire a certain type of cultural capital that is prevalent amongst this country's capitalist class - the politicians, intellectuals, and CEOs. It is my hope that by the time I graduate, that I'll have the ability to confidently operate in any environment or culture. Double Consciousness and being "the other" grants me a certain perspective unavailable to many of my peers and I need to utilize it to my advantage.

In conclusion, I once heard Dr. Cornel West say that black people are "the ultimate existentialists" because we are always reinventing who we are. Dr. West is right: everyday I am constantly reinventing and reimagining who I am.

Social Constructs - Part 1

Social constructs - what are some examples: gender, race?

I would qualify a social construct as any category that subordinates a population based upon a bodily feature such as sex or skin-color. It is immediately evident that these categories reinforce a social hierarchy in which "the other" is a subjected person. Bodies are subjected and hegemonic practices are reproduced in part due to the dominant population's ability to nominate the subordinate class. There is power in appropriating the ability to name something - the utilization of language, words, as their associated connotations. For example, referring to a man as a "woman" performs the work of emasculating a male. For a male, being called a "woman" may refer to the absence of power (both physically, socially, and economically) and the pretense of being a passive subject ready to be penetrated (yes, this is a sexual reference). Conversely, if a woman is referred to as a "man," she is something unnatural - a monster. In many environments or cultures, women in positions of are considered to be monstrous; the presence of "the other" is unnatural within the hegemonic order.

Quotes: Muhammad Ali

"Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even."

"The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights."

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life."

The Monster Within…

Am I a monster? Yes and no…

There are two definitions of the “monster” that deserve attention in regards to this conversation:

1. “one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character”

2. “one that is highly successful”

The key idea behind the first definition is cultural relevancy. As an anthropology major, I’ve learned that cultural norms differ from place to place. For example, in terms of greetings, in America it is generally unacceptable for men to kiss each other on the cheek, but commonplace in many countries overseas. Therefore, I have to examine at my monstrosity in reference to my various environments. In Princeton, I know that I am not the norm. Right off the back, as a black male, many times I feel as though “I am the other” and that makes me a monster – a subject of attention and fascination. Many times in the classroom, I have had the “black representative” moment (I am not even going to explain this). Moreover, I do not speak, dress, act, or even think like a “normal” Princeton student. I know that it is difficult to define what is normal in Princeton, but there is a norm/standard that exists. I’m not in line with that norm – and I’m fine with that.

Now here’s the aspect of my monstrosity that hurts. When I’m home, as much as I try, I cannot readjust to the norm. For the most part, my hometown friends still live in the area and attend local colleges. They see each other all the time; conversely, I feel like an outsider every time I return home and hang out with them. This does not decrease the love I have for my friends, nor does it dampen my anticipation of spending time with them – it just feels as though we live in two different worlds. Sometimes, I wish that still lived in their world, the world that I left. During these instances, I say to myself, “what I wouldn’t give to be in Maryland.” Simultaneously, it is at these times when I consider the second definition of monster: “one that is highly successful.”

Amongst other reasons, I came to Princeton in order to enhance my opportunities to be “highly successful.” Drawing from French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu, the institution known as Princeton has social and cultural capital within American society; anyone who attends and graduates from Princeton will gain access to that capital. I came to Princeton in order to participate in a self-improvement project, in which I felt I would have the opportunity to grow into an aware and socially-conscious change agent. This self improvement project is an ongoing and continuing process. It’s about learning from every professor in class and every interaction with my peers. It’s also about learning what it feels like to be the other. One of my favorite Cornel West quotes is “in order to love the people, you have to serve the people.” Taking that a step further, in order to love someone you have to understand and appreciate the experience from which he or she originates. I’m learning what being a monster feels like (1^st definition), in order to become a monster (2^nd definition).

So the question stands: Am I a monster?

Yes, but not yet the monster I want to be.

Monster

Main Entry: ¹mon·ster

Pronunciation: \ˈmän(t)-stər\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English monstre, from Anglo-French, from Latin monstrum omen, monster, from monēre to warn — more at mind

Date: 14th century

1 a : an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure b : one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character
2 : a threatening force
3 a : an animal of strange or terrifying shape b : one unusually large for its kind
4 : something monstrous; especially : a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty
5 : one that is highly successful

Raheem DeVaughn Featuring Ludacris - Bulletproof

"Load It, Cock It, Aim and Shoot
Load It, Cock It, Aim and Shoot"

I can't get this track out of my head. "Bulletproof" is a love song - a different type of love that is exemplified by an individual's love for the people. This song talked to me - Raheem asked me where's my commitment to my brothers and sisters; where's my commitment to this ongoing democratic project which we call America.

"Living like we bulletproof"